Pallav's Collection Of Jokes

An elderly
woman walked into the Bank
of Canada one morning with a purse full of money.
She wanted to open a
savings
account and insisted on talking to the president of
the Bank
because, she said, she had a lot of money.

After many lengthy discussions (after all, the
client is always
right) an employee took the elderly woman to the
president's
office.

The president of the Bank asked her how much she
wanted to deposit. She
placed her purse on his desk and replied,
"$165,000". The president was curious and asked her
how she had been able to
save so much money. The elderly woman
replied that she made bets.

The president was surprised and asked, "What kind of
bets?"

The elderly woman replied, "Well, I bet you $25,000
that your testicles are
square."

The president started to laugh and told the woman
that it was
impossible to win a bet like that.

The woman never batted an eye. She just looked at
the president and said,
"Would you like to take my bet?"

"Certainly", replied the president. "I bet you
$25,000 that my
testicles are not square."

"Done", the elderly woman answered. "But given the
amount of money involved,
if you don't mind I would like to come back at 10
o'clock tomorrow morning
with my lawyer as a witness."

"No problem", said the president of the Bank
confidently.

That night, the president became very nervous about
the bet
and spent a long time in front of the mirror
examining his* *
testicles, turning them this way and that, checking
them over
again and again until he was positive that no one
could
consider his testicles as square and reassuring
himself that there was no
way he could lose the bet.

The next morning at exactly 10 o'clock the elderly
woman
arrived at the president's office with her lawyer
and
acknowledged the $25,000 bet made the day before
that the
president's testicles were square.

The president confirmed that the bet was the same as
the one
made the day before. Then the elderly woman asked
him to
drop his pants etc. so that she and her lawyer could
see clearly.

The president was happy to oblige.

The elderly woman came closer so she could see
better and
asked the president if she could touch them. "Of
course", said the
president. "Given the amount of money involved, you
should be 100% sure."
The elderly woman did so with a little smile.
Suddenly the
president noticed that the lawyer was banging his
head against
the wall. He asked the elderly woman why he was
doing that
and she replied, "Oh, it's probably because I bet
him $100,000 that around
10 o'clock in the morning I would be holding the
balls of the President of the Bank of Canada!"

__________________________________
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Top 10 most stupid questions people usually ask in
obvious situations :

1. At the movies:
When you meet acquaintances/friends...
Stupid Question:- Hey, what are you doing here?


Answer:- Dont u know, I sell tickets in black over
here..

2. In the bus:
A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps
on your feet...
Stupid Question:- Sorry, did that hurt?


Answer:- No, not at all, I'm on local
anesthesia.....why don't you try
again.

3. At a funeral:
One of the teary-eyed people ask...
Stupid Question:- Why, why him, of all people.


Answer:- Why? Would it rather have been you?

4. At a restaurant:
When you ask the waiter
Stupid Question:- Is the "Butter Paneer Masala"
good??

Answer:- No, its terrible and made of adulterated
cement. We occassionaly also spit in it.

5. At a family get-together:
When some distant aunt meets you after years
Stupid Question:-Munna,Chickoo, you've become so
big.


Answer:- Well you haven't particularly shrunk
yourself.

6. When a friend announces her wedding, and you
ask...
Stupid Question:- Is the guy you're marrying good?


Answer:- No,he's a miserable wife-beating
,isensitive lout...it's just
the money.

7. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone
call...
Stupid Question:- Sorry. were you sleeping?


Answer:- No. I was doing research on whether the
Zulu tribes in Africa
marry or not. You thought I was sleeping.... you
dumb witted moron.

8. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently
shorter hair...
Stupid Question:- Hey have you had a haircut?


Answer:- No, its autumn and I'm shedding......

9. At the dentist when he's sticking pointed objects
in your mouth...
Stupid Question:- Tell me if it hurts?


Answer:- No it wont. It will just bleed.

10. You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman in
your office asks...
Stupid Question:- Oh, so you smoke.


Answer:- Gosh, it's a miracle ............it was a
piece of chalk and
now it's in flames!!!

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