Pallav's Collection Of Jokes

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated ,

"If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments , General Motors issued a press release stating:

If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:




1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed an Illegal Operation" warning light.

7. The airbag system would ask, "Are you sure?" before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.

Musharraf wanted to raise money for his country,and on being told that there was a fortune in horse racing, decided to purchase one and enter it in the races.

However at the local auction, the going price for a horse was very high that he ended up buying a donkey instead. He figured that since he had it, he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races. To his surprise, the donkey came in third!

The next day the local paper read: "MUSHARRAF'S ASS SHOWS" Mian Sahib was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and this time it won.The paper read: "MUSHARRAF'S ASS OUT IN FRONT"

His wife was so upset with this kind of publicity that she ordered Mian MUSHARRAF not to enter the donkey in another race.The paper headline read: "WIFE SCRATCHES MUSHARRAF'S ASS"

This was too much for WIFE, so She ordered MUSHARRAF to get rid of the donkey. Mian Sahib decided to give it to BENAZIR.

The paper headline the next day read: "BENAZIR TAKES MUSHARRAF'S ASS" followed by another on the next day:"NOW BENAZIR HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN"

All the opp! osition leaders got very upset at this kind of publicity. They informed Benazir that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for Rs.500.

Next day the headline Read: "BENAZIR SELLS ASS FOR Rs. 500" This was too much for the veteran opposition leader, Nawabzada Nasrullah Khan, so he ordered Benazir to buy back the donkey lead it to the plains where it could run wild and free. Next day, the headline in the paper ; read: "BENAZIR ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE"

The Nawabzada was buried the next day and Pakistan got rid of the biggest Ass it had produced in the bargain.

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident on a snowy, cold Monday evening. It's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished, but amazingly neither of them is hurt. God works in Mysterious ways!

After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So....you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days".

Flattered, the man replies, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely, this must be a sign from God!"

The woman continues, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." Then she hands the bottle to the man.

The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle and immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.

The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"

The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police...."

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George Bush goes to a primary school to give a speech.After his talk he
offers question time.One little boy puts up his hand and George asks him
what his name is.
"Bob".

"And what is your question, Bob?"

"I have 3 questions.

First, Why did the USAinvade Iraq without the support of the UN?

Second, Why are you President when Kerry got more votes?

And third, What happened to Osama Bin Laden?"


Just then the bell rings for recess. George Bush informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess.

When they resume George says, "OK, where were we?

Oh that's right --- question time. Who has a question?"


A different little boy puts up his hand . George points him out and asks
him what his name is?

"Steve"

"And what is your question, Steve?"

"I have 5 questions.

First, Why did the USAinvade Iraqwithout the support of the UN?

Second, Why are you President when Kerry got more votes?

Third, What happened to Osama Bin Laden?

Fourth, Why did the recess bell go 20 minutes early?!

And fifth, Where is "Bob" ??!!!!