Pallav's Collection Of Jokes

It is increment time this may help you

GEETA SAAAR.....

Post Appraisal . . . . . . .
This is what Bhagwan Shri Krishna wants to tell you .

Hey Parth (Employee),

Incentive nahi mila, Bura Huya
salary cut rahi hai, Bura Huya
Extra shift hogi, woh bhi bure hogi.

Tum pitchla incentive na milne ka paschatap na karo,
Tum agle incentive ki chinta na karo,
Bus apni salary main santusta raho....

Tumhari pocket se kya gaya, jo ro te ho?
Jo aaya tha sab uper ki income thee.
Tum jab nahi the, tab bhi company chal rahi thee
Tum jab nahi hoge, tab bhi chalegee.

Tum ne aisa kaun sa response diya, jo tumhara tha..
Sab kuch, cut copy paste ka khel tha.

Tum koi experience leker nahi aaye the..
Jo experience mila yahi mila...
Jo support diya company ke liye...
Degree leker aaye the, experience leker chalo.

Jo system aaj tumhara hai...
Woh kal kisi aur ka tha....
Kal kisi aur ka or parson kisi aur ka hoga..
Tum ise apna samajh kar kyo magan ho rahe ho..
Yahi kushi tumhari tension kaa kaaran hai.

"Kyo wayarth chinta karte ho, kisse wayarth darte ho,
Kaun tumhe nikaal sakta hai......"

Policy change company ka rule hai.
Jise tum policy change kahte ho, wahi to trick hai.

"Ek pal main tum Best performer or Hero no.1 ya Super
Star ban jaate ho,

Dusre pal main tum worst performer or target nahin
achieve kar paatey ho."

Appraisal, incentive etc. etc. mann se hata do,
vichaar se mita do, Phir company tumhari hai or tum
company ke.
na yeh increment wageyrah tumhare liye hai
na tum iske kabhi ho, Parantu job secure hai
Phir tum tension kyon lete ho........?

Tum apne aap ko company ko arpit kar do,
Yahi sabse bada golden rule hai,
Jo is golden rule ko jaanta hai,
woh review, incentive,recession,retirement aadi se
sada
ke liye muqt ho jaata hai....

HURRY (H)OM(e)..

Check out http://pallavs.blogspot.com

__________________________________________________
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In order to assure the highest levels of quality
work and productivity from employees, it will be our
policy to keep all employees well trained through
our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING
(S.H.I.T.)

We are trying to give employees more S.H.I.T. than
anyone else. If you feel that you do not receive
your share of S.H.I.T. on the job, please see your
manager. You will be immediately placed at the top
of the S.H.I.T. list, and our managers are
especially skilled at seeing that you get all the
S.H.I.T. you can handle.

Employees who don`t take their S.H.I.T. will be
placed in DEPARTMENTAL EMPLOYEE EVALUATION PROGRAMS
(D.E.E.P S.H.I.T.).

Those who fail to take D.E.E.P S.H.I.T. seriously
will have to go to EMPLOYEE ATTITUDE TRAINING (E.A.T
S.H.I.T.).

Since our managers took S.H.I.T. before they were
promoted, they don`t have to do S.H.I.T. anymore,
and are all full of S.H.I.T. already.

If you are full of S.H.I.T., you may be interested
in a job training others. We can add your name to
our BASIC UNDERSTANDING LECTURE LIST (B.U.L.L.
S.H.I.T.).

Those who are full of B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T. will get the
S.H.I.T. jobs, and can apply for promotion to
DIRECTOR OF INTENSITY PROGRAMMING (D.I.P. S.H.I.T.).


If you have further questions, please direct them to
our HEAD OF TRAINING, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY
TRAINING (H.O.T. S.H.I.T.).

Thank you,
BOSS IN GENERAL
SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING
(B.I.G. S.H.I.T.)

____________________________________________________
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http://www.yahoo.com/r/hs

A plain computer illiterate guy rings tech support to
report that
his computer is faulty.

Tech: What's the problem?

User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.

Tech: (keep quite)

Tech: You'll need a new power supply.

User: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup
files.

Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll need to
replace it.

User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to
change the startup
and it will fix the problem! All I need is for you to
tell me the command.

Tech support:

10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is
right.
The tech is frustrated and fed up.

Tech support: (hush hush)

Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our customers
this,
but there is an undocumented DOS command that will fix
the problem.

User: I knew it!

Tech: Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at the end of
the CONFIG.SYS .
Letme know how it goes.

10 minutes later.

User: It didn't work. The power supply is still
smoking.

Tech: Well, what version of DOS are you using?

User: MS-DOS 6.22.

Tech: That's your problem there. That version of DOS
didn't come with NOSMOKE.
Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will
give you the file.
Let me know how it goes.

1 hour later.

User: I need a new power supply.

Tech support: How did you come to that conclusion?

Tech support: (hush hush)

User: Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what
you said,
and he started asking questions about the make of
power supply.

Tech: Then what did he say?

User: He told me that my power supply isn't compatible
with NOSMOKE.

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