Pallav's Collection Of Jokes

A lot of people know how to write a resume and talk
their way into an interview. But when they get into
the make or break dialogue, they stumble upon tough
questions. Below, is some advice on approaching the
tough questions that interviewers like to throw at
job applicants:

Why did you leave your last job?
Real answer: It sucked.
What you should say: I felt my talents and abilities
were underutilized.

What are your biggest weaknesses?
Real answer: I can't concentrate for more than five
minutes, hate all forms of authority and tend to
fall asleep at my desk.
What you should say: I'm a workaholic. I just don't
know when to put down my work.

You don't seem to hold on to a job long. Why should
we think you'll stay here any longer than you've
stayed elsewhere?
Real answer: My employers have always had a hang-up
about keeping only competent employees..
What you should say: I'm at a point in my career
where I am tired of moving around. I really want to
feel part of a team, a long-term enterprise, where I
can make a contribution.
For all those of u aiming for job
switches...............

How do you handle change?
Real answer: I deal with it everyday, unless I'm out
of clean underwear.
What you should say: I think everyone knows that
today the only constant is change. I thrive on it.

How do you get along with others?
Real answer: Fine, as long as they stay out of my
face.
What you should say: I think the interpersonal
dynamics of the workplace can be among the most
satisfying aspects of any job.

What does the word success mean to you?
Real answer: It means that I don't have to drag my
sorry ass out of bed to kiss yours.
What you should say: Success, for me, would be
knowing I am making a difference working with a team
of people to make a more profitable enterprise.

What does the word failure mean to you?
Real answer: It means I continue to collect
unemployment insurance.
What you should say: Failure? I'm sorry, I don't
know what you mean. That word is not in my
vocabulary.

Do you get along with your current boss?
Real answer: I get along fine, considering what kind
of a malicious person he is.
What you should say: I don't think I'd call him a
boss; he's been more of a mentor to me.

Do you ever get angry with co-workers?
Real answer: I don't get angry, I get even.
What you should say: Nothing angers me more than to
see a co-worker not pulling his weight, goofing off
or stealing. Yes, sometimes I do get angry with
co-workers.

Can I contact your references?
Real answer: Sure, but they won't know who I am.
What you should say: Some of them are out of the
country right now. Maybe I can arrange to have them
contact you.

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